Choice Chat: My Journey to Adoption
It took me over a year to decide to become a single mom. Once the year was over, the biggest concern for me was the financial aspect. I have always been one to consider the financial implications of things (I am a CPA), so I considered the cost of becoming a mother, being a mother, having a sick child.
I don't want to diminish the importance of the desire for a biological child, but it was not a driving force for me. The idea of pregnancy and childbirth was frightening - something I would have to get through, and not something I looked forward to with joy.
But with adoption I was concerned that my child might not bond with me, especially if he were "too old." My ideal scenario would be to adopt a child who came to my home the day he was born.
In the end, finances won out. Because my health insurance covered six inseminations, I decided to try to conceive. This way I believed I could keep my savings intact for any unexpected expense, or even college.
What I had not anticipated was how my natural drive for success would pull me into the trying-to-conceive process.
It would be almost two years, a surgery to remove fibroids, many missed cycles because of cysts, the use of injectibles (I was never going to go that far when I started out!) and only six actual inseminations when I finally gave up trying.
What surprised me was my relief. TTC'ing is stressful and there is no guarantee. While there is no guarantee with adoption, there is a higher percentage of success and that felt really good. I remember sitting in my doctor's office when he brought up the idea of IVF. My response was immediate. If I need to spend that kind of money, I will adopt.
The adoption process can be long, but it went quicker than I expected. For me it was 12 months almost to the day from the first informational meeting at an adoption agency to the day my son came home. I speedily turned around any documents requested, and moved through the process quickly. Because I was open to a boy, I received a referral within days of submitting my paperwork.
One benefit of international adoption I had not anticipated was the option to choose the sex of your child.
As far as bonding and being "the Mom." There is no doubt in that. My son came home at 9 months. He is almost three now and I definitely get the push back and difficult behaviors that he doesn't share with others. I am also the person he needs most.
I cannot imagine any other child being in my life. I believe that the two years of TTC'ing were necessary to allow the timelines to match me with this wonderful little person.
