Choice Chat: The Cost and Accessibility of Adoption
Question from Julie: Does anyone out there have experience with the cost and the waiting process that goes along with adoption? I went with IUIs instead of adoption because I thought I could never afford adoption and also wonder if the parents placing their child for adoption would ever choose me over a traditional mom/dad team ready to adopt. How long would I have to wait for that phone call? I much prefer to experience carrying my own child, but am starting to worry if it is going to happen for me. I've been through 4 IUIs with Clomid and am still empty handed and a bit stressed out. My financial resources are limited and I don't think IVF or adoption with their $20K-$30K price tags are options for me. Would like to hear from anyone who has some experience with the adoption process.
Response from Karri: I adopted my daughter in 2005 and I'm currently in the process of adopting again. A lot of things depend on the type of adoption you do. The least expensive route is usually the foster-to-adopt system. In this case you don't have to put any money out and in some cases they will actually pay you. You just aren't guaranteed an infant. I do know of a single mom who went that route; she was in her late 50s when she got an infant and she was in her 60s when they called again. She took the second baby but realized that she just couldn't care for the infant the way she felt she should.
I went the international route. I had no idea how I was going to afford it, but it all worked out. I do own a home, so I got the home equity line of credit and it helped. I was also able to do some fundraisers. When you think about the cost of what it would be to have a baby without insurance, that is about what it is to adopt internationally. I had a friend tell me that her C-section cost $30,000, which was $10,000 more than my adoption. When I adopted from China it was about $17,000 because of a $4,000 grant that I was able to get. The federal government also gives a $10,000+ tax credit for adoption, so slowly I am getting that money back. So when you look at things that way, I really only had to spend about $7,000 and I was able to take a trip to China. Okay, that is really oversimplifying things because it was very expensive, but in the big picture, I wanted to be a mother, my daughter needed a mother, and God made us a family.
Response from Lori: I adopted my daughter after nine unsuccessful IUIs: five with Clomid, four with injectibles, and four pregnancies that didn't survive. I adopted domestically, and it took a little under a year, amazingly. That is not typical, I know. I, too, could not imagine what birth mother would choose a 42-year-old, single workaholic to care for her baby, when there were so many white-picket-fence couples out there to choose from. During the home study process I discussed this with the social worker at some length, and she shared her many years' experience with me. Basically she said you never know what is going to resonate with the birthmother. She may choose you because you remind her of her sister, or best friend from elementary school. The social worker told me one even chose the adoptive family because they were all wearing Winnie the Pooh shirts in a picture, and she loved Winnie the Pooh. I guess she took it as a "sign". That gave me great comfort going through the process. Just keep in mind the "end game" - becoming a parent! Do whatever you need to do to make that happen and try not to let all the "what ifs" get in the way. Good luck.
