Why Open Adoption? A History and Commentary
In the early part of the twentieth century, it was a common practice to stamp birth certificates with the word "Illegitimate" when the parents of the child were not married at the time of birth. Those children born of these unions, placed for adoption, faced a lifetime of embarrassment and shame. Discrimination followed the adoptee when it came to pursuing not only a career but even marriage.
By the 1930's, social workers, wanting to protect and make more children available for adoption, encouraged legislators to follow Child Welfare League of America guidelines, which recommended closing all records associated with the adoptee. The intention was not to separate adoptive parents from birthparents, only to protect the vulnerable child. Thus, an experiment without longitudinal studies being completed, was begun. Between 1938 and 1948, most states sealed all adoption records and a new birth certificate was issued for the child. The stigma of being illegitimate was effectively removed and hidden. Another piece impacting this was the belief that genetics played only a minimal part in one's life and that a child could be "molded" with the proper upbringing. Studies now show this not to be true.
By 1985, with a number of longitudinal adoption studies having been completed since the early 1950's, the CWLA passed a resolution recommending "open adoption as standard practice." Longitudinal studies consistently showed that open adoption was in the best interest of every child.
The American Adoption Congress also passed an open resolution in 1985 based on its work with both adoptees and birth parents. With 367 registered search and reunion groups in North America clamoring for open records and information, the AAC also saw a need for change. They too realized the "closed experiment" had failed and not served the children it meant to care for and protect.
Since the CWLA passed its sweeping open resolution in 2000, only one adoption-related organization has opposed these recommended changes. The National Committee for Adoption adamantly believes birth mothers do not want or need openness. They believe adoptees have a right to only the most limited information about their past. This author believes NCFA's motives are financially based.
Mythology and Adoption
Mythology is very much a part of open adoption changes. It is assumed adoptive parents will not be able to comfortably parent should a birth parent be involved in their life. The primary task for all adoptive parents is that of developing a sense of "entitlement" to parent the child, whether in a domestic or foreign adoption. Open adoption, it has been found, is helpful to adoptive parents in achieving this goal.
It is assumed children who may have visits from birth family will be confused by other "relatives" in their lives. Adult adoptees who have grown up in open adoptions find this myth ridiculous. "I am much smarter than that," one adoptee said when asked about the issue of confusion. "I always knew who my parents were." Open adoption is not and never has been co-parenting.
NCFA believes birthmothers will be unable to "get on with their lives" and heal in an open format. But the opposite has been shown to be true; birth mothers from closed adoptions have been documented to struggle for decades, in many cases, with the placement loss, shame, and secrecy. Birth parents involved in open adoption tend to find comfort knowing their child is thriving in the placement they chose.
There are several degrees of open adoption, but this author strongly recommends children grow up with more than pictures and letters from birth family. Open adoption has the ability to take the adoptee out of daydreaming and mythology about birth family by providing solid answers and information to all.
Although not all adoptive children are going to have backgrounds which are exemplary, it is recommended children be given information and history when age appropriate. Part of adoptive parenting is deciding when to share information about the child's background. It is important to show empathy and sensitivity towards the child and his or her background. How comfortably the parents are able to do this is a measure of the amount of entitlement they possess. Parents who have done the work to resolve any issues they might have about infertility or lack of a partner to help them build a family are more likely to be able to do this and provide an atmosphere which is relaxed, open, and emotionally safe.
Parents who are still angry about earlier losses are less likely to be comfortable with adoption questions and adoption issues, which will arise in the course of everyday family life. An adoptee will interpret this to mean that something is wrong with "me." Since emotional safety is the basic building block of self esteem, it is crucial parents do this emotional work prior to bringing an adopted child into the home.
Education
It is important for the adoptive parent to have a strong adoption educational base in order to be involved in the open process. Support groups, seminars, reading, audio, and video are all ways for an adoptive parent to better understand and move through the mythology and fears so prevalent when beginning the process. Therapy is also a helpful tool for those struggling with grief and loss issues in not being able to conceive. Understanding that open adoption is not "co-parenting" and that boundaries need to be in place are part of the beginning steps.
The Internet has provided an explosion of information for both adoptees and birth parents interested in searching and finding one another. The American Adoption Congress and search groups have documented unusually high rates of success for adoptees searching for birth family abroad.
Society has changed in the last few decades, and so has the movement in adoption. We no longer accept the Victorian notion that a birth mother is both sinful and promiscuous if pregnant out of wedlock. We know it is in the best interests of every child to provide genetic continuity in an atmosphere which is non-shaming and without secrecy and lies. Child advocates ask adoptive parents to parent from the needs of the child, not their own.
Counseling: How Important Is It?
When adoption counseling is recommended for a birth mother and or father, there is often resistance. Many tell me they do not need or want counseling. For younger birth-mothers-to-be, they may feel a sense of shame in seeking counseling. For others, the feelings may be around the thought that only someone who is "crazy" would need to see a therapist.
A number of states have passed state laws requiring several hours with a licensed adoption counselor. Other states require what is called an "advisement," in which the birth mother is advised of her rights and the state laws governing the adoption and relinquishment. The adoptive family is responsible to pay the counseling costs. Any ethical adoption practitioner will always strongly encourage counseling.
Counseling should be with what is called an "adoption literate" counselor. This means someone who is familiar with adoption issues such as grief and loss, shame, fear, openness, and other areas important in understanding this complex process.
Birth mothers are always surprised by the amount of intense feelings and grief experienced after giving birth. By dealing with grief and loss rather than burying the feelings, one will be better equipped to move forth with future goals and plans. Even in very open adoptions, counseling is needed and helpful.
Etura told me she just "wanted to get on with her life quickly." She didn't want to bother with counseling, reading, open adoption, a hospital plan, or getting to know the adoptive parents well. She refused to cooperate in state-mandated counseling sessions. After giving birth, she quickly realized she could not place her baby for adoption.
Janet was a college graduate who had had what she described as an "ideal' life. She wanted a very open adoption and read everything given to her, minimizing the importance of emotional counseling. Because she had so much clarity about her decision, she didn't expect to experience much grief. After giving birth, Janet sank into serious post-partum depression. She said because she thought of herself as being highly functional, she would never need any counseling.
Tanya was raped and extremely resistant to any counseling, whether it be adoption related or through the rape crisis center. Most rape victims feel terribly ashamed and are traumatized as a result. Tanya went to only one rape crisis session and said she could not go to any more. Six months after placing her baby daughter for adoption, she was in so much pain she agreed to seek both rape counseling and private counseling to help deal with the issues. She has been able to maintain a loving open relationship with the adoptive family for the sake her of child.
When planning an adoption budget, I believe that money set aside for birthparent counseling is "money well spent." Adoptions are less likely to end in disaster when a birth parent is "well informed and clear" about choices, feelings, and options.
